I’ve spent the last few weeks going from ecstatic at the coming three month trip to feeling overwhelmed by all that needs to be done. Somewhere in the middle of those two extremes, I took the time to create a short video of our adventures last year. Camping with dogs is the only way to go, in my opinion that is. Looking at all the photos of the weeklong trips, the overnights, the weekends away, I see how much area we covered. No wonder I get asked advice these days. I’m flattered and inspired to carry on. But then my dreams overtake me. I end up (in my dreams) renting the house, quitting the job, getting a camper van, and living on the road. I wake up smiling. The next night, that same dream leaves me exhausted and sad. I have Little Stevie.
As much as he likes to hang out in the 4Runner, he’s not been anywhere. Yet. I know friends who’ve taken their cats on the road but I never have. I’m scared to. But didn’t I commit to the boy when he came to my family at four weeks old and weighing less than a pound? Yes. I did. I have to do what is right by him as well as the dogs and myself. So now I’m in a conundrum. Dreams, fears, guilt, happiness, money, home, vehicles, work, writing, traveling, all demand my attention. All demand I make a choice but I can’t. I’m immobile. I’m stuck. And I also have to say I love my home, I built it myself, it’s all I could wish for so why leave? I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m stuck. In my head. In New Mexico.
What I do now for sure is that I am leaving May 16th to head to Overland Expo and from there head to Oregon and Washington. I have a good solid truck, an okay tent, and dogs who want to come with me. I’ve saved some money and should be good for a few months. Other than that, it’s all up in the air.
Something needs to change, to inspire me, to motivate me to the best that I can be.
In the meantime, here’s a video to remind me of happier days.